You Hung Like A Baby Grape
March 2nd, 2010
Hobo#1: “Nigga! You wouldn’t bust a grape!”
Hobo#2: “Don’t go around sellin’ nickel bags for 20, in my town a dub is a dub, but I don’t sell drugs no more”
Hobo#1: “Come here I’ll bite your nose off, bite that shit right off”
Submitted by a portland reader
Hobologues
September 18th, 2009
So the last two days i have had funny run-ins with hobos. Fifty percent of which involved us sharing booze. Hobos are hilarious and I am hilarious. Thus I declare a new series called ” Hobologues”. Other working titles are “Things Hobos Say To Me”, “The Hobo Diaries”, and “The Hobo Whisperer”.
First Contact
Hobo (w/ buddy): Shit! If I did that the police would fuck me up!
Me (drinking beer out of mason jar on bus mall): Well to state the obvious, I’m white, your black and the cops are racist.
Hobo: Fucking right they are! Thats fucked up!
Me: [rant about the system]
Hobo: [rant about black cops]
Hobo (showing me his coffee cup): I have to drink outta this, so they don’t fuck with me. Want some juice?
Me: What kind of juice?
Hobo: Grape… well 4 loco
Me: Ohhh malted purple drink (in my best dave chappelle voice). Sure (Taking a drink)
Hobo: You’re getting low, want me to top you off?
Me: Nah, I’m cool. Mixing them would taste funny
Hobo numero dos
Hobo: Hey can i get a cigarette
Max(handing him smoke): Yeah, no problem
Hobo: Yo check out all my underwear. I got some briefs, sports something or other, I got pink panther. (Holding up each pair from a bag full of underwear)
Me: Why you got some much underwear?
Hobo: I got shit in my pants!
Me: Hasn’t been that long for me either.
Hobo: I remember the first time I had to shit outside….
Me: I didn’t even have a toilet until i was 12…. something about spiders…